We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize