She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
