You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
