So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize