Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
