I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i believe in u and ur pee
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