so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
