i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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