I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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