the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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