At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
