I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
