Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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