Sry I called you an 8
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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