You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
