I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
