You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
