Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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