just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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