Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
