My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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