Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
