just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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