So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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