Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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