you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
