Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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