dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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