atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
