I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
