Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
