dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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