I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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