Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
