At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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