I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
