yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
