You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize