If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
