doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
