do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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