Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
