god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
