Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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