My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
