Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
