hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
