Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
