my mouth tastes like poor choices
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
