how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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