I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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