Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
