And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
