dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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