Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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