And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
