i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
