i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dicks are not precious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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