I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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