Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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