I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
