I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
