drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
