True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
