Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
