I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
