I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
