oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
