It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
