talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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