As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
