it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize