My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
