and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
