My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
