We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just blew my weed a kiss
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a beard to bite.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
