his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Too much gin, very little bucket
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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