Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
