She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
