Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I understand Curling. That high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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