grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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