Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
