She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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