Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
