Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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