I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
