we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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