remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize