Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
