Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
