Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
