The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
