I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
