I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
