Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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