were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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