somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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