I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
