Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize